I have your address. If you lie to me again, I'm going to come to your house and kill you.

It never fails. You're busy! The 9-1-1 fairy is giftwrapping your ass, one emergency call after another! Emergency lines are lit up like a freaking Christmas tree. When here comes Mr. Smith from 123 Elm St. You pick up and say..."9-1-1, how the hell can I exceed your expectations?" (Just kidding) To which you are greeted with..."click" They should pay me a nickel every time I have to hear this. If they did, I'd be stinking rich. So, in the midst of your whirlwind of ligitimate emergency calls, you have to stop what the hell your doing and call the idiot, Mr. Smith, back. (I don't know why. It's policy.)

ring....ring....ring....ring...(damn, pick up the phone already!) ring...ring...."Uhhh...hello?"

Good afternoon, sir. This is the 9-1-1 center. Someone dialed 9-1-1 from that residence and hung up. Is there an emergency?

"Uhhhh...I didn't dial 9-1-1!"

Sir, someone dialed 9-1-1 from there. (Yeah right, uh huh, I just make random check calls to unwary citizens 'cause I got nothing else to do.)

"Uhhh...NO....not from here!" (Don't you love how Mr. Smith precedes everything with "uhhh"? You know right away you're dealing with NASA's finest rocket scientist!)

Is there someone else there who could have done it? (I know you did it!)

"Uhhh....no, I'm the only one here."

Were you just using the phone, sir? (Don't lie to me again, asshole.)

"Yeah, but I dailed 9-4-4, not 9-1-1." (OK, Einstein, look at your phone pad. The 4 is right next to the 1 isn't it? Yeah, it is! Couldn't be your fat fingers now could it?)

And did you happen to reach the 9-4-4 number that you dialed?" (Come on...lie again.)

"uhhh...no." (Holy shit! He tells the truth!)

This happens about a hundred times a day, sir. People accidently hit the 1 instead of the 4. It's a common mistake. We just ask that you stay on the line with us and let us know everything's OK, otherwise we have to call back to make sure. (We could've concluded this conversation by now, but NOOOOO you gotta draaaaaag it out by lying to me!)

"Yeah, OK. I'm sorry about that."

No problem, sir. You have a good day. (Now I'm lying. It IS a problem! And I hope you have a TERRIBLE day! You lie when you think you're in trouble and you come clean when you find out you're not in trouble...you're like a child!)

I hate IT (the situation) when people hang up on me. I hate PEOPLE (the ones who do the hanging up) when they LIE TO ME.