Spare the rod, spoil the child.

Got a call today. A little female voice on the other end of the phone said she had arrived home to find her husband murdered. She said he had been shot, and then proceeded to tell me, in a crazed tone, how she had to clean up all the blood. She sounded quite young...indeed very young, so I asked her how old she was. Again with the crazy talk about birthdays every year and some muttled incoherrent stuff. I asked her again what her age was to which she finally replied "Thirteen." "And you have a HUSBAND?" I said. She affirmed it and kept on with the crazy muttled talk. I knew something was definitely wrong, but had no idea what. So I tranferred her to the Sheriff's Department and after a brief description to the dispatcher of the situation, allowed him to take over. His first question: "How old are you?" Her response: "Thirteen." He said exactly what I did...."And you have a HUSBAND?" Again, she said yes.

I disconnected from the call and began to build this very bizzare ambulance call. Sure to include the note to "Hold Back for Law Enforcement", I tried to explain in brief language what she had said. Before I could finish, the Sheriff's Department called back and said "We're there, the scene is not yet secure, but the deputy says there's blood everywhere!" Holy Shit! This chick was telling the truth! What was she, some wacked out Multiple Personality case?? Like Cybil!! (You know that wierd character played by Sally Field? Yeah, that's what she sounded like.) The suspense was endless. Finally the Sheriff's Department called us back and advised us to cancel. What?? Why??

Turns out the deputy arrived and upon stepping out of his cruiser, noticed puddles of red fluid in the yard leading up to the doorstep...blood. Or so he thought. Not waiting for backup, he drew his weapon, kicked open the door and found an apartment covered in the same red fluid. An adult female lying on the couch, motionless, covered in....yep....red fluid. At this time I'm sure the deputy is wondering why he didn't wait for backup. After urgently telling dispatch of the grissly murder scene he'd encountered, the woman "woke up". Also wondering what the hell was going on and what the hell is with all the blood. They began to look for the mysterious caller. Huddled upstairs was a nine year old girl who had not only covered the apartment in RED PAINT, but also the yard and her sleeping mother, then made a bogus call to 9-1-1 to report the "Murder". I don't know the ultimate outcome but I hope she got her little ass torn up, not only for the prank, but for freaking me the hell out! This definitely goes down as one of the wierdest calls I've ever gotten. Now I'm gonna have nightmares about that creepy little kid voice rattling on about murder and blood.....great.